“Can married people have more than one soul mate?” My friend asked me the other day.
I kind of mumbled an answer, “yes, but it depends on far they go with those other soul mates that determines how ok it is”, but I never stopped thinking about the topic.
I am happily married, (well, most of the time) to a man I want to play scrabble with when we’re 75. But I have several soul mates. There are people who’s presence I crave.
But none of these relationships makes me ashamed or feel like I have something to hide.
There is the friend I can spend hours talking about green tea with, who I speak to regularly because I can mumble some dis-jointed sentence and he will automatically know exactly what I’m trying to say.
My best friend moved to Utah, but I can still text a simple word and she’ll know how I feel. We used to get drunk and throw furniture on the roof because we both understood why.
Last summer I roomed with a girl who would smile at just about everything you said. Just seeing her face in the mornings as she climbed down from her loft bed made me so happy to be alive. We were inseparable from the day we moved in, spending our free time picking blackberries and challenging each other in our kayaking.
Hollywood has kind of messed with the word soul mate. What should be a description of a connection you have with someone is instead a word for a sexual, intimate encounter.
A soul mate isn’t necessarily the one you have sex with. A soul mate is someone your soul finds rest with. A soul mate is someone you can relax with, because if you speak they will listen, and if you don’t speak for hours, the silence won’t be awkward but a time to be cherished.
Sometimes you realize the connection immediately: you meet them at a party, through a mutual friend. You feel like you’ve known them your whole life. It doesn’t stop there; it doesn’t turn into one of those acquaintances you made where you felt like that but never saw them again. You begin to hang out and the easy comfort you find in the new relationship surprises you.
Other times, they may sneak up on you. You may know someone a week, a month, a few years. One day you realize, at first it was slow, but now you can’t wait to tell this friend a little gossip you heard, the new Taylor Swift song you can’t stop singing along to, and you realize you have a new soul mate.
I have my main soul mate, the one that will never leave my life. But I believe that soul mates are meant to come and go. As we need something from each other, we find each other. Being open to this interaction and connection with others doesn’t always mean we are being unfaithful to our lovers or partners, but we are being true to ourselves.